I'm a reforming control freak. There, I said it. Those who have known me for a long time have accepted this truth, and continue to cheer me on in my efforts to 'stay loose'... and I thank you!
On the eve of this Mothers Day, I find myself reflecting on the lessons I have learned from motherhood, I am celebrating the progress I have made towards releasing the control! For me, Motherhood allowed me to see my desires to control my universe. This was as true at home, as it was for me in the bakery. I have always wanted the best for people, and in the beginning, I just couldn't understand why everyone didn't want my version of what was best for them!
Saturday I was handed a large stack of pictures that dated back from 1995 through probably 1999. They were pictures of the bakery crew, of my kids in the bakery, of customers, of Rand and I, all doing different things in and around the bakery. The images made me smile, but they also brought back some hard lessons I've learned.
Controlling others is never the way to freedom, it is never the way to joy, and it is not the shortest route to success. I didn't understand that then, and because of that - there was a certain amount of sorrow as well as joy as I browsed through those pictures. I found myself wanting to send messages to some of our past employees to apologize for my micro-managing. I can truly say that I realize that this journey of life is about learning lessons, and for me, the bakery has been an amazing place to learn those lessons!
Those feelings brought to mind a quote from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet" when he is asked to speak on Joy and Sorrow. He says, "Joy is your sorrow unmasked." He goes onto explain, "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
This has been true in my life, and in my journey at the bakery. I find such incredible joy in working with the people I work with, with the customers, with my children and my husband. I love the art of milling and baking products. I love problem solving, and the chaos. I enjoy the creation process of food, of gifts, of ideas. Yet truly - as I reflect on these joys, they fill the well in my soul that has been carved by choices and events that created sorrow in me as well.
It's one of the many ironies of life I think, and I am okay with that...
My goal is not to sorrow over my past lessons and mistakes, rather I choose to see them for what they are... simply that, lessons of life. For those incredible people who were involved in my learning process - I thank you! I beg your forgiveness for the times my lessons caused you pain, and I want you to know that I am grateful for the part you have played in helping me to become the woman I am today. I am grateful for the opportunity to have walked a portion of this journey with you...
My Joy is overflowing as I have the opportunity to continue to do what I love, with people that I love. And for all of you that are on this part of my journey with me now, I offer the same truth... I beg your forgiveness for the lessons I continue to learn through my mistakes, I am so grateful to each of you for the part you play in helping me learn... and thanks for walking this portion of my journey with me!
In my daily reformation - I am becoming more of who I desire to be, and that is a journey I am loving - with all of it's joys and sorrows!